The Series of Hilariously Painful Unfortunate Events

5:30 came Monday morning just like it does every other Monday morning.  I reset my alarm for 5:45 just like I do nearly every other Monday morning.  I started to get ready just like I do every Monday morning – and that’s when things started to go bad.  I was putting on my pants as per normal and then there was this terrible pain in my hand that was not so normal.  Some how I managed to pull some muscle or sprain something in my hand by putting. on. pants.  It hurt.  Really badly.  Luckily, it wasn’t so bad that I felt the need to get it checked out – can you imagine that conversation? “What are you in for today?” “Well, I think I sprained my hand.”  “How did it happen?”  “I was putting on my pants.” Seriously, some things can seriously only happen to me.

So my day – painfully – continued and I got to church to help watch the youth leaders’ kids as I do every Monday.  I hadn’t been in the door for 30 seconds before the next Event.  One of our friends went to give us a hug and I thought he was going to hug Genelle first but apparently he was going to hug both of us.  Seeing as I thought he was hugging her first, I stayed back.  Once I realized that he was expecting to hug me too I went to hug him – about a second too late.  He went to close the hug and proceeded to hit me in the face.

Later on that night I’m sitting with one of the babies in my lap (do you know how hard it is to care for a child with very limited use of your dominant hand?).  She then decided she wanted to cuddle.  Violently.  With her head.  And my cheek bone.  Yeah, that one hurt a lot, too.

I got home that night and told my mom about my day (the pants Event amused her greatly) and she laughed and said, “I think you just need to go to bed,” and then proceeded to laugh at me for the rest of the night (granted, I was laughing at me, too).

After 19 years on this lovely planet I’ve learned a thing or two, one of which being that besides being a seriously clumsy person, I also attract ridiculous, painful situations like a moth to a flame.  I’ve also learned to accept these things, I mean, what else can you do? I laugh at myself, I enjoy life.  Even if I have to enjoy life with a pants-induced injury.  Until next time, lovelies.

Photo Credit: Lee Campbell

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